The bolder thing to do
by FMW1019
Summary: After her 18th birthday jude writes Tommy a song.... i think its good but then again, i'm biased
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Jude writes a song for Tommy after her 18th birthday. Just read it, i think it's pretty good. but then again, i'm biased.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own instant star or **_**"The bolder thing to do"**_** by Gregory and the Hawk**

Jude:

He's just sitting there, just flippin switches. He doesn't look sad or upset, he looks like he does everyday. Except for one thing, he's not smiling, at all. I don't know if this makes me more sad or angry. I think that i'm more sad. I sit on my stool and put my headphones on. I strum the guitar a couple of times before i look up at him again. "I'm ready." I say before he asks. He just nods "Jude Harrison, the bolder thing to do" he says into the microphone. As soon as he releases his mic button i start the song

_**Every day trying to make up for the one before**_

_**climb three flights to tremble at the sight of your already open door**_

_**the frustration I see when I tell you I like some company**_

_**breaks my heart**_

_**how can you be so impartial?**_

Everytime i close my eyes i see him and sadie, kissing. I went up to apologie for my behavior, my fickleness and he's kissing my sister. I don't know what was sadder, me going up to apologize for something there was no need to apologize for or me catching him with my sister as i'm about to apologize for something there was no need to apologize.

_**and I've made myself the fool**_

_**who's fallen for you**_

_**so let me down softly this time and**_

_**I wont have to come back cryin'**_

_**I've just made myself look bad and**_

_**you're the one who should be feelin' bad**_

_**it'd be better to forget you**_

_**but I don't really want to**_

_**it'd be better to forget you**_

_**but I don't really want to**_

The sad thing is that i should have known better. He'd hurt me before, i should have known he would do it again. A zebra can't change it's stripes right. I just wish i would have seen it coming, realized what was happening before i got up on stage and announced my undying love for him. Well, i thought it was undying.

_**energy spent trying to believe you're not worth it**_

_**you don't deserve it**_

_**but I wish you did 'cause I can't live without this**_

_**and I'll remember you as the second or two**_

_**artists I knew who decided to screw me over**_

_**'cause it's the bolder thing to do**_

It was true, he wasn't the first guy to publicly humiliate me at my birthday, he was the second. He was the second guy to break my heart into a million pieces and just leave me there. It was also the second birthday that ended with him kissing someone inappropriate, first me, then Sadie. I was trying my hardest not to look up at him while i sang. I if i did i knew i would start to cry, and i refused to cry in front of him.

_**and I've made myself the fool**_

_**who's fallen for you**_

_**so let me down softly this time and**_

_**I wont have to come back cryin'**_

_**I've just made myself look bad and**_

_**you're the one who should be feelin' bad**_

_**it'd be better to forget you**_

_**but I don't really want to**_

_**it'd be better to forget you**_

_**but I don't really want to**_

I guess that line wasn't really true. If there was anything i wanted to do, it was forget Thomas Quincy. But then again, when he wasn't breaking my heart, he and i made amazing music. If it weren't for him i would have quit, my first song would have flopped and i wouldn't be able to stick it to him for hurting me again.

_**and I've made myself the fool**_

_**who's fallen for you**_

_**so let me down softly this time and**_

_**I wont have to come back cryin'**_

_**I've just made myself look bad and**_

_**you're the one who should be feelin' bad**_

_**it'd be better to forget you**_

_**but I don't really want to**_

_**it'd be better to forget you**_

_**but I don't really want to**_

I looked up as i sang the last line, Tommy wasn't where he was before. I looked around, confused, where could he have gone?

"Forget it." I thought to myself taking off my headphones. I put my guitar in the case and left the booth making sure to hit the button to stop recording as i walked for the door to the studio. Just as i was about to pull the door open i felt a hand on my shoulder. "I can't talk right now... i have to go." I stated trying to keep my voice even and keep my eyes from leaking my emotions onto my cheeks.

"Jude.."

"I lied. The song was about you and i lied. I do want to forget Tom. I want to forget and i have to go."

"Jude don't do this."

"You did it first Tom." I said pulling the handle of the door and walking out into the common area, i was safe here. There was no way Tom Quincy would make a scene in the middle of G-major. That's what i thought anyway...

**should i continue?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary: Jude writes a song for Tommy after her 18th birthday. Just read it, i think it's pretty good. but then again, i'm biased.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own instant star or "Another Week" by Azure Ray**

re-cap:

"You did it first Tom." I said pulling the handle of the door and walking out into the common area, i was safe here. There was no way Tom Quincy would make a scene in the middle of G-major. That's what i thought anyway...

Now:

"JUDE!" He yelled after me. Where could I go? What was the fastest way to get out of here? I wiped my head arund wildly still trying to find someone, anyone to get me away from him.

"JUDE!" He called to me again. I flinched and looked again, I spotted Jamie and quickly ran up to him.

"Please Jamie, i can't... just get me... i can't." without a word he grabbed my hand and ran outside with me. "We will have to face him eventaully you know." He said when we got closer to my house.

"Until then can we just... not talk about him. Let's get SME and Sadie and just... just celebrate."

"Celebrate what exactly?"

"That we made it through another week when all the odds were against us."

_**I wake up each morning**_

_**Go to work at eight**_

_**Come home for dinner**_

_**Time to celebrate**_

_**So i round up my friends**_

"Here's to us." I nearly shouted two hours and a few drinks later. "To us!" Everyone shouted in unison. We all smiled wildly at each other, i stood up again and looked at Sadie and Kwest "To surviving, no matter what happens, to surviving." Sadie smiled sadly at me and i returned the favor.

"To friends, the only things you need on a night like tonight." Wally shouted. "Hear, Hear." We all yelled back, it echoed through the rehearsal space a bit. I smiled a little more with each toast because i knew that even if Tommy Q didn't there were people in the world who loved me. And i had all night to sit with them making toasts about life like we had seen it all.

_**We made it through another week**_

_**We may not have much**_

_**But we've got what we need**_

_**So we go all night**_

I got up from my spot in the middle of the group after everyone had fallen asleep. We were all scattered with our limbs intertwined all over the floor and couches. I smiled and walked toward the door, grabbing another drink, suddenly needing air. I hummed a gentle melody once i reached the door. I swayed gently, completing the party on my own now that everyone had gone to sleep.

I smiled to myself and started to hum louder.

"New song?" I turned towards the voice knowing very well who it was.

_**Until i see his face**_

_**Then the party's over**_

_**This drink has no taste**_

I took a sip from the glass i was holding, it tasted like water now, everything was tasteless when i craved him. And as much as i hated him, i craved him.

"Why are you here Tom?"

"I think you know."

"Then why would i ask?"

"Jude..."

"Don't do that... don't do the thing where you say my name in the pathetic tone that makes me love you. Because right now, i can't look at you, i can't talk to you and i really really don't want to love you." There, I said it, i told him that i loved him after three long years of trying to make it disappear.

_**He makes me lonely**_

_**When he comes around**_

_**I tried for years to beat this one down**_

He looked awe-struck as i walked back into the rehearsal space where everyone pretended like they were just waking up. "Nice try guys know you're up. When did you all awaken?"

"Uh about the time someone started to hum a cute lil' song." Sadie said with a smile.

"Oh god."

"No, we like it seriously what's it called."

"I don't know yet. Still trying to work it all out in my head."

We were all sitting there, smiling and chatting about my new song, trying to work it out when we heard the knock.

_**I've got all my friends**_

_**Couldn't ask for more**_

_**But he makes me lonely**_

_**When he knocks on my door**_

If there's one thing you can say about Tom Quincy, he's persistent.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary: Jude writes a song for Tommy after her 18th birthday. Just read it, i think it's pretty good. but then again, i'm biased.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own instant star or "I bruise easily" by Natasha Bedingfield**

re-cap:

If there's one thing you can say about Tom Quincy, he's persistent.

Now:

_**My skin is like a map, of where my heart has been**_

_**And I can't hide the marks, but it's not a negative thing**_

_**So I let down my guard, drop my defences, down by my clothes**_

_**I'm learning to fall, with no safety net, to cushion the blow**_

Everyone looked at me, as though i knew what to do. Did anyone realize who they were looking to for answers, comon, i'm Jude friggin Harrison Tom Quincy relationship non-expert.

"You have to answer the door Jude, he won't go away til' you do. You can't just say you love him and close him out like that, it's not... it's not fair." I was suprised it was Spied who spoke up.

"He did."

"And if you don't then that makes you that much better than him." I gave Spied a sad smile "When did you become the sane one?"

"When I realized he loves you back."

_**I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me**_

_**There's a mark you leave, like a love heart, carved on a tree**_

_**I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me**_

_**Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily**_

"I'll let him in but you guys have to go. I can't say everything when i know everyone's listening."

Everyone smiled at me understandingly and walked out the doors. Patsy was the last one out and as soon as her back disappeared Tommy was there.

I opened my mouth to speak but i couldn't get the words to leave me. "I love you," There, i said it again, flat out, no turning back "And I think you might love me too but i... i'm bruised Tom. You've bruised me and at this point i think that it might just be better to..."

"Don't say it Jude, whatever you do don't say that."

"Give me a reason not to Tom, I took the leap and I fell and I got hurt so now, i'm not going on blind faith. If you love me as much as you say you'll understand that and give me a reason to trust you."

_**I found your finger prints on a glass of wine**_

_**Do you know your leaving them all over this heart of mine too**_

_**If I never take this leap of faith I'll never know**_

_**So I'm learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow**_

"What would make you trust me again?" He whispered. I swear i saw tears in his eyes. "Answers Tom. That's all I want. It's like one minute you're all for putting us out there and the next you're calling me a drunken embarassment to myself. One minute you love me and the next you're kissing my sister. One minute you want me and the next i'm nothing. Just tell me why. Why?"

"Hunter."

"Hunter? Your friend Hunter?"

"Trust me Jude, he's no friend. I knew him, we were close but i was closer to his sister, Angie. I was in love with her but i was married to Portia and Angie kept asking me to just... run away with her. And I wanted to but Darius found out and i thought my career was more important. So i told Angie i wasn't running away with her. And she took off in my car..." He wiped the tears away from his face angrily. "She wrapped it around a tree and Hunter blamed me for not stopping her. He threatened to hurt you so i pretended you meant nothing to protect you."

_**I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me**_

_**There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree**_

_**I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me**_

_**Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily**_

"I invited him to the party. I was dancing and i fell and he caught me and told me that he was a friend of yours so i invited him to the party..."

I felt a wave of nausea hit me strong and i bent down, keeping my head between my knees.

"Why? Why didn't you tell me about Hunter?"

"Because by the time I knew what he was up to you were on your way down the stairs with him on your arm."

_**Anyone who, can touch you, can hurt you, or heal you**_

_**Anyone who, can reach you, can love you, or leave you**_

"And with Sadie, what can you say about that?"

"I was drunk, depressed and she kissed me. End of story. I felt nothing, not until I saw you walk in. God Jude the look on your face nearly killed me."

_**So be gentle**_

_**So be gentle**_

_**So be gentle**_

_**So be gentle**_

"The lips on yours did the same thing to me Tom, trust me."

_**I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me**_

_**There's a mark you leave, like a love heart, carved on a tree**_

_**I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me**_

_**Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily**_

"I do, with my life. I trust you Harrison. More than anyone."

_**I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me**_

_**There's a mark you leave, like a love heart, carved on a tree**_

_**I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me**_

_**Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily**_

"I wish I could say the same Quincy, really i do."

_**I bruise easily**_

_**I bruise easily**_

"You will be able to trust me again one day Jude. You just have to be able to forgive. That's it."

"What I need is you. And in order to be with you I need to know that your're not going to hurt me again."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary: Jude writes a song for Tommy after her 18th birthday. Just read it, i think it's pretty good. but then again, i'm biased.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own instant star or "Save your Scissors" by City and Colour**

recap:

"What I need is you. And in order to be with you I need to know that your're not going to hurt me again."

Now:

"Fine. Let's just talk. Get the things we've needed to say for a while out in the open."

"O...kay," I say skeptically. "Um, you can start."

"We're running in circles. It's like we're never in the same spot, we... it's like we're...i'm chasing you... god this is hard."

"Tom."

"Yes?"

"How about we do what we're good at?"

_**So go on**_

_**And I will refrain**_

_**And I'll keep on running this neverending race**_

_**maybe next time will be the right time**_

_**and maybe next time will be your time**_

"I like it." He says reading the piece of paper one more time.

"This part is more painful though, i'm hurt by you and i'm telling you not to hurt me anymore, save your scissors. But i'm also saying that even when you hurt me i don't just want you to be part of my past. I want you and i to be together but this time you can't hurt me."

_**So save your scissors**_

_**For someone else's skin**_

_**My surface is so tough**_

_**I don't think the blade will dig in**_

_**Save your strength**_

_**Save your wasted time**_

_**There's no way that I want you to be left behind**_

_**Go on save your scissors**_

_**Save your scissors**_

"This is less about you and i and more about you isn't it?" He asks reading over the next part of the song.

"Yes and no. At first it's like everytime i give up on someone they decide to give me a chance and i don't intend for that to happen. The next line is for you, for every song you've said is generic, for every feeling you say other people feel all the time, i never claimed to be the first to feel them."

_**So why does it always seem**_

_**That every time I turn around**_

_**Somebody falls in love with me**_

_**This has never been my soul intention**_

_**And I have never claimed to have patents on such inventions**_

"Put the save your scissors verse in there, that's your chorus. it'll catch people's attention, get them thinking about how much you've been hurt. It gives you that public understanding, makes you seem like a person that these people know."

"My fans do know me Tom. They listen to my songs. They know what goes on in my head because they unbiased they don't know anything which means they know everything."

"That makes no sense Jude."

"Sure it does. They don't know me personally so if i write a love song all they get is emotion. They don't think they know who the song is about, they don't think the songs are about them. They know because they know how i feel not who i am."

_**Just save your scissors**_

_**For someone else's skin**_

_**My surface is so tough**_

_**I don't think the blade will dig in**_

_**Save your strength**_

_**Save your wasted time**_

_**There's no way that I want you to be left behind**_

_**Go on save your scissors**_

_**Save your scissors**_

"Just let me read it Jude."

"Not until i'm done Tom. You can read it all when i leave to go to the studio. Not before. This is my line to you, my way of telling you my decision."

"Well now i really need to see it." He says trying to grab it from me. I smile and dodge his attack while writing the last line on the paper. I read it over and smile.

"Done! Meet me in the studio in 20 minutes," I say putting the song down by the door. "Bring that with you."

_**There is something that I must confess to you tonight**_

_**To you tonight**_

_**And that is I expect nothing less from you tonight**_

_**From you tonight**_

_**Go on save your scissors**_

_**Save your scissors**_

_**Save your scissors**_

"I gave him a second chance, i told him not to hurt me again. But i gave him a second chance." I explained to Sadie over the phone.

"Good, now come home."

"I can't i'm going to record with Tom."

"Jude, it's four a.m."

"Good, i'm early for once. i'll be home once it's perfect, i've got way too much energy to sleep."

"Fine i'll cover with Dad but be sure to be home by dinner tonight."

"Will do Sades, i love you."

"Oh-ho i love you too."


End file.
